Let Go of Comparisons – Excerpt from the Book “Let It Go and Flourish”

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a comparison is the representation of one thing or person as similar to another. I think it is okay to engage in healthy competition. However, I become concerned when we compare ourselves to others and wish we were like them.

Comparing ourselves to others is dangerous. We focus our energy on bringing them down instead of improving ourselves. When you compare yourself to someone else, you compare their best behaviors and features with your average ones.

We compare ourselves to others because we feel insecure about who we are.

Have you considered that the person you are comparing yourself to may also have insecurities and even be comparing themselves with you? They may be admiring something about you and wish they were as good as you are in that particular area. The following article excerpt (https://fs.blog/comparing-yourself-others) offers several valid points on the subject:

“When you stop comparing between people and focus internally, you start being better at what matters: being you. It’s simple but not easy.

The most important things in life are measured internally. Thinking about what matters to you is hard. Playing to someone else’s scoreboard is easy, that’s why a lot of people do it. But winning the wrong game is pointless and empty. You get one life. Play your own game.”

According to Brenda Raftlova in her article titled 5 Reasons You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, social comparison starts very early. Children discover very quickly that not everyone lives the same kind of life or has the same opportunities. They see how some friends have more toys or better clothes or live in better houses. As these children grow older and become teenagers, the comparisons don’t stop; they intensify and turn into negative self-talk. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’ll never make it” slowly start creeping into their minds. According to Raftlova, this kind of negative thinking can cause them to develop anxiety and depression-like impulses that may continue well into adulthood.

Comparing yourself to others brings discontent, pain, and misery. You are trying to live someone else’s life because you try so hard to be like them. You have one life to live. Live it being you.

When we compare ourselves to others, we show ingratitude toward God. Many of us feed into the labels that others place on us. They remind us of what we have not done and what we lack. Many parents compare their children to other children and make negative statements toward the former. One child may excel academically, and the parents will tell their child that they should be like them. “Why can’t you be like Johnny, who gets all A’s?” Perhaps the child who does not excel academically is gifted in other areas that Johnny is not.

All men are created equal, and each life has value. Each of us is uniquely and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). If we believe that God created us in His image for a divine purpose, we need to use our energy to discover our passion and purpose. Too many people waste their energy comparing themselves to and trying to be like others.

Everyone has a vision and dreams, and it is our responsibility to pursue our dreams and not anyone else’s.

It is not always easy to discover our passion and purpose. Some of us recognize our passions at a very young age. Fortunately, for some, their parents help channel them along the path to pursue that passion. Others may know at a young age but do not have parents to help them pursue their dreams. In these cases, teachers and mentors can recognize their gifts and passions and help them follow them.

Let us strive to become all that we can be. The question is, what does it mean for a person to become all that they are? It means reaching your potential. How do you do that? You do so by living your purpose. Before you live your goal, however, you must first find it. I am a volunteer facilitator for the Change Your World Program under the John Maxwell Leadership Foundation, a values-based collaborative process of transformation. I facilitate transformation tables, and it is about intentional living. In lesson 3, “Putting Your Purpose Into Action,” Dr. John C. Maxwell introduced the following formula for discovering one’s purpose:

Your Passion + Your Strengths + Value Added to Others = Your Purpose

John Maxwell says that when you add what you love doing (passion) to what you’re good at doing (strengths), and you use those things to meet the needs of others (value added to others), you find your purpose.

You have a lot to be grateful for and there is no need to try to be someone else. We see people on the surface, but do we see others for who they are? Many people seem to have it all together. On the surface, they appear to be doing well financially because they live in the “desired” area and drive the “desired” car. I believe that many people are doing well financially and leading prosperous lives. However, some are imposters—great pretenders. Some people will borrow from family members to maintain appearances.

I recently heard a sermon in which an attorney who lived in an affluent zip code had to borrow money from his brother, an auto mechanic, to keep up with and project the expected image. I share this to let you know that not everyone is who they appear to be; thus, there is no need to compare yourself to others.

We also have different definitions of success. For example, you may compare yourself with someone who is not happy with their own life. Although at the same time, they might have financial freedom and everything that money can buy, they, too, might be comparing themselves with others. Some end up realizing that they spent their time building wealth at the expense of their marriage and relationships with their children.

Some find themselves very lonely if their focus is on their wealth.

There is nothing wrong with being wealthy. It is how you handle your wealth that is important. Some rich people come from very humble beginnings and are committed to helping others grow personally and professionally. They want to make contributions to society. These people understand that they can use their gifts and talents to help themselves and others.

Strive to become a moral authority leader. Moral authority leaders are no-limit people—committed to expanding their limits. When you recognize the need to improve your life, you use your gifts and abilities to do so; you become a no-limit person and expand your potential. You must know yourself to grow yourself. You cannot produce what you do not know. You are aware of your strengths and weaknesses. When you are not aware of your strengths and weaknesses, you have blind spots because you cannot see them. You discover them from people who care for you—people who sit on the other side and have a different perspective. When you become aware of your blind spots, you can grow and develop in those areas. You cannot produce what you do not know. When someone makes you aware of your blind spots, that is an incredible asset because you can now work on something you were not aware of previously. Awareness helps you become a no-limit person and thus expand your potential.

When you expand your potential and focus on your strengths, there is no need to compare yourself to others. So, let go of comparisons. Instead, lean into YOUR strengths, and seek ways to help others. In doing this, you will discover your passion and purpose.

Some of you compare yourself to others you believe are more physically attractive than you. For example, you might say, “I wish I had her smile,” or “I wish I had hair like hers.” Has it ever occurred to you that this person may wish that they had a smile or hair like yours?

I have learned that comparison leads to envy and covetousness.

While many of us wish we had something that someone else has, some are unwilling to do the hard work required to accomplish this. We sit and wish our lives away instead of getting up and researching how we, too, can be successful.

I love the following quote from a LinkedIn post on January 7, 2022, by actor Michael B. Jordan: “I don’t care who is doing better than me. I am doing better than I was last year. It’s Me Vs. Me” (Michael B Jordan@michaelbjordan).

Comparison truly is a thief of joy. You may be content with your financial situation, relationships, and career. However, when you hear other people in your circle discussing their career accomplishments, you may suddenly no longer feel good about your situation. You may start comparing yourself with others and minimizing your accomplishments, which, up until now, have been impressive. The green-eyed monster, Jealousy, may even show up, and you may begin to resent others for their accomplishments. Do you even know how the other person got to where they are? Are you willing to do what is required to get to what appears to be a high level of success?

The scriptures are unambiguous about comparing yourself to others. Philippians 4:11–13 reminds us of the importance of being content, no matter what happens in our lives.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

This scripture tells me that God’s plan for my life is not the same plan He has for your life; thus, there is no need for me to compare myself to anyone else. Each of us is unique and has a particular purpose in life. Pray to the Lord for guidance so that you can find and reach YOUR destiny, not someone else’s. Let go of comparison, step into your future, and thrive.

I am appealing for you to seek God for what you want and need. Ask with the right motivation, and if your desires and requests align with His will for your life, He will give you what you ask. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us about the plan God has for our lives. He gave each of us gifts and talents, and He wants us to use them to bless others.

My message to parents of young children is to avoid pressuring them to be the best at everything they do. Instead, please encourage them to do their personal best. There are so many ambitious high achievers out there. If your child is doing their best, you should not compare them to others, nor should their efforts be discredited. I am not saying that you should embrace mediocrity; I am saying that your children doing their best should be acknowledged and praised. My concern is the high suicide rate among teenagers who feel overwhelming pressure to be the best.

If you want to grow, compare yourself to who you were last week—or even yesterday, for that matter. Most importantly, if you feel the need to compare, then compare yourself to Christ so that you can be more like him. Boast in Christ and be an imitator of Him. You are wonderfully and fearfully made.